Today I completed fifteen days of working as a full time teacher. And these days taught me few lessons that I am going to share. But first a big proud moment for me, It is after almost 7 years I am doing something regular and full time. And this kind of is big in itself that I am somehow managing it.
Though past these weeks made me realise few things:-
1. The ugly and relentless face of chronic illness. I am sick from past few years. But may be I am realising the true extent of it now. Am I really this sick? Where things went wrong? What happened to the older me?
2. I probably will struggle and cry daily if I continue to work. I have to stand for hours. This makes me feel my bladder on fire and often the left side from pelvis to left toe freezes for minutes unable of any movement. And at the end of the day fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome/ me are flared completely. Every inch of my body hurts. I can’t lift my arms or put my feet on the floor without experiencing excruciating pain. Daily I end up in tears due to it.
3. The realisation I may not be able to work for long if my pain continue like this. The fear of the future and life turning to Abyss.
4. I will never be able to realise my dreams and full potential due to a body lost to chronic illness.
5. How healthy people may not understand what is easy for them can be life altering for a sick person . How horrific, excruciating, brutal and crushing can be symptoms of various illnesses like interstitial cystitis, chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia.
6. I can now say that despite everything I am resilient and trying things beyond my capacity.